12 March, Day 4

Today I am filled with Lenten stories.

I am thankfully connected to the Brothers of Saint John the Evangelist, Church, and also to Yoga.

The combination of these beautiful discilplines is astounding. Very rich message that keeps coming my way. Be patient. Be still. Watch. Learn. Listen.

It is amazing that when I slow down, I actually see. I see the good in others, and the good in myself. I see red cardinals, and bursting crocuses. More importantly, I see the places where I can replenish and the places where I must do my work. It is all about balance. There is no such place as "middle ground".........but there is such a place of balance. I love Yoga because it keeps me aware of the balance of life.

But I must work to Listen. To really Listen. This is where I fall short. I get so excited by what another person is saying that I sometimes chime in too quickly and don't give them a chance. Or worse, I often use side bar sentences while trying to "listen". I think I might be missing out on some very special moments and maybe even some insight. This will take some practice and some patience.

I will try.

10 March Day #2

Today is a good day.

I spent time with people I love and my daughter Libby, which is always a treat if it goes well. She is 16.

I counted today as a blessing for we simply just "were" together.

My thoughts today are large. Lent is supposed to be "private". What we choose to give up and do for Lent,is supposed to be in Secret. We are not supposed to advertise what we "gave up for Lent".....but rather do small things secretly that nobody ever sees....except god. Interesting.

So, today.....I admit that I caught myself not once but three times, breaking what I would describe as a fast from judgement, an unkind word, or even gossip.....but I withheld my despite to say "Oh, it is Lent.....I shouldn't be saying such things or thinking such things". It is rather a lesson to me that I was aware of it for a change.

Simple as that.

Happy Lent, Holy Lent.

Ash Wednesday

This is my second Lenten Journey Blog. I am somehow drawn to the concept of journaling the period of time which we call Lent. It is a time in the proverbial wilderness; whatever our wilderness is. It is a time to reflect, slow down, be prayerful, mindful, loving, giving and .....ouch....fasting.

I have always had trouble with the concept of fasting, or "giving up" something for Lent. Perhaps it is because of dysfunctional dieting and a somewhat addictive behavior. I can barely make it to a "fasting" blood work at Mass General once a year for my annual physical. I arrive with coffee in hand so the minute the band-aid goes on, I am good, Starbucks goes down. I am sure there is some weird psychological reason why I obsess with fasting, but I sure don't want to be preoccupied with denial such that I miss the real purpose of Lent.

Tonight at St. John's in Beverly Farms there was a whole page in the leaflet about Fasting. Fasting from judgement, anger, gossip, unkind words, jealousy, resentment, fear, doubt, and so on. It did not mention sugar or wine; which was a relief. Fasting means to "set something aside", so there is room for grace, for God's word, for the truth, for whatever we are called to hear. It seems fair to ask that we set things aside for wisdom, grace, love and understanding.

I have been on vacation this week and have taken the opportunity to do more yoga, to be quiet, to clean the house and clean my yard of the winter debris. I also feel like I am cleaning myself in a way....trying to prepare for a Holy Lent. One Lenten mantra is to slow down...... I know I move to fast and am not mindful. Even tonight, while rushing to get from Gloucester to Beverly Farms, God reminded me via a Manchester Police Officer and a $200.00 speeding ticket to "slow down".

So, SLOW down with me. Listen. Maybe we will all hear something in the Wilderness.